The Lone Ranger, Mail-Order Dreams, and 1981 in the Rearview Mirror

 

That is what the ad said "Just mail away!" and man, I always wanted one. But for some reason I never actually sent it in. Chalk it up to the distracted priorities of an eight year old.

If you were a comics fan in 1981, you probably saw the massive merchandise blitz for The Legend of the Lone Ranger plastered across the back covers of practically every comic book on the rack. I did not know it at the time, but the movie was a critical and commercial bomb. That did not matter to me. The advertising hit hard, especially for kids.

The toy line that really grabbed my attention was the smaller scale Lone Ranger figures from Gabriel. These were not the old school 13 inch behemoths (those were always a little too bulky for my tastes), but the more manageable, play friendly action figures. You had the full lineup: The Lone Ranger and Silver, Tonto and Scout, Butch Cavendish and Smoke, even historical figures like Buffalo Bill Cody and General George Custer (who was a lieutenant colonel at the time of Little Bighorn).

To this day I wonder how, or if, they crammed all of that into one movie.

I never saw The Legend of the Lone Ranger as a kid (still have not, actually), but the toys were definitely on my radar. The problem? Serious competition. Star Wars was in full swing and I was all in on the Kenner figures. I was just getting into D and D too, poring over my Moldvay Basic Set and trying to figure out hit points. The new 3 3/4 inch G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero line was right around the corner, and that would steal what little toy budget (and attention span) I had left.

Looking back, I wonder if this was the real life early version of Toy Story. Lone Ranger and Tonto, quietly sidelined by Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Relegated to the back of the toy box, never to ride again.

Still, that mail away town? The play sets? That stuff looked cool. Really cool. And while I did not get in on the Lone Ranger craze, it still sticks with me as one of those "almost" moments of childhood. One of the few times something slipped by me in that golden age of toys and pulp inspired adventures.

Watching The Lone Ranger the other week (yes, that one) reminded me of all this, of a time when the Wild West still had a place in our toy aisles and imaginations, even as the galaxy far, far away was pushing everything else out.

In the end, this is not really about the toys or even the movie. It is about the snapshot of 1981 it conjures. That brief, weird moment in pop culture when cowboys, space wizards, and dungeon crawlers all coexisted in a kid's world.

And if you were eight like I was at the time, that world? It was very cool.

How about you? Do you every see one or actually get the set?

The Lone Ranger Movie Review – Underrated or Box Office Bomb?

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

 

Despite getting scathing reviews, I have to get one thing out of the way first: I enjoyed

This post will not be about the story — I’ll leave that to you when you watch the movie. Being that I’m not a child of the 1950s who grew up with the iconic “Hi Ho Silver, away!”, I come from a vastly different viewpoint. I didn’t watch many reruns because by the time I was old enough, the show had been off the air for at least 20 years. I was weaned on gritty revisionist Westerns like Unforgiven, High Plains Drifter, and Pale Rider.

So what’s my reaction to a traditional “white hat” Western? It was a fun movie. Both Johnny Depp as Tonto and Armie Hammer as the Lone Ranger turned in very good performances.

The Good:

• The pacing was just about right and never felt like it was dragging.
• Special effects were mostly strong, with only one noticeable instance.
• The soundtrack was excellent. Of course no Lone Ranger movie would be complete without the William Tell Overture, which they used skillfully early on and then during the finale.
• Clever reason for the naming of Silver.
• Shootouts were gripping.
• The finale was awesome.

The Bad:

• At one point I was going to bring my kids, but the Captain Dan Reid scene involving Butch Cavendish changed my mind. I read about it beforehand and decided to keep my young kids away. This partly explains the demographic issues the movie faced.
• The Lone Ranger as played by Hammer comes across as somewhat “wimpy,” especially when contrasted with Depp’s Tonto. Hammer is somewhat overshadowed, but I actually thought his awkwardness was well acted. Some called it wooden and lacking charisma, that’s personal preference.

I can see where The Lone Ranger ran into problems finding the right audience, but I’m not entirely convinced it was entirely the movie’s fault. Hollywood seems fixated on producing mega-hits to maximize returns on every film. I get the business reality, but it’s myopic. Not every movie can be Avatar. Studios would rather swing for the fences every time instead of taking solid singles and doubles. The question becomes: Is it better to clear $50 million on a movie or lose $150 million? This is made worse by the ever-spiraling cost of film making. It’s getting to the point where only $1 billion returns are considered acceptable.

Another interesting point: The last two times The Lone Ranger has been on the big screen (1981’s The Legend of the Lone Ranger- and this one), critics savaged both. I get that the 1981 version was bad, but this time it felt like many critics decided they hated it before it even came out. I fully expect the "box office bomb” label will stick.

In a way it might end up like Heavens Gate, another Western that did poorly against high production costs but whose director’s cut has been reevaluated more positively over time. Of course its hard to mess up on the true story source material: The Johnson County War yet it happened.

I don’t think Westerns as a genre are “dead,” but they do have an image problem. In a world increasingly wary of anything distinctly American, uniquely American-focused movies have a tougher sell overseas. Hollywood now makes films with a global audience in mind, which is smart for returns, but trying to be everything to everyone rarely works.

In closing, I can think of many movies where I wanted my money back after seeing them in theaters. This wasn’t one of them. I’d give it 3.5 out of 5 stars. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s far from Mars needs Moms.

How about you? Bomb or underrated gem?